So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
