i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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