one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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