dude i'm inner monologue high
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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