1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
