My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
