yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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