Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
