omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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