is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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