your thong is hanging out like whoa
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
