I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So much rum. So many feels.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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