i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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