he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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