I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
