So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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