you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
