apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
