i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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