Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
