ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
