i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
