before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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