She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
