My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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