Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I want her autograph on my taint
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
