i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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