According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
