we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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