Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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