i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
