Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
