I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
