Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
