I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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