I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
