I'm so fucking centered right now
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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