If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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