i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
