I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
