im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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