fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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