escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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