no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
