I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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