i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
