i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
