but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
