How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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