tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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