I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
