I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
