Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
