Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
