I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
