Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
