genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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