dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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